If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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