There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alive.
So much puke
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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