A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
