problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
