apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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