There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
