She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
