my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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