Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
