the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
