what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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