We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
