So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
