i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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