it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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