theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
