We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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