Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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