My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
