he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
