Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
