guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
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She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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