And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
