tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
