I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
