I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
