they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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