I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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