So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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