I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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