At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
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also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
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I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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