dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
