How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
