Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
