When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
