It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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