do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
