Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
