Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need to calm my uterus...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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