and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish you could order shots online.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I touched a dick in church today
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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