Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Jerry, you need to find god
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
