I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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