So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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