I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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