There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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