you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
