I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
