you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
