Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
