It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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