***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
