that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Barsexuality is the new black.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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