Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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