are you still at the devil's house?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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