if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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