we made out on top of his cat.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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