Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
