he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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