we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
