I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Couch. On fire.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
