i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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