OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
