Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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